Fellowship Monologue

Fellowship. Its a relatively common word among Christians, but I've pretty much never used it in any other context. The word itself has no functional meaning to most Americans. You never hear athletes talk about the "fellowship" they have with other guys in the locker room. Joe College Guy never uses fellowship to describe hanging out with the dudes on his floor. Its a strange word in our culture, and I wonder if there's another word or phrase that would communicate the idea more clearly.

But in spite of that, we do need to understand what it means. And I would argue that most Christians don't really know what the scriptures are saying when they talk about fellowship. And in addition to the question of what fellowship is, I would ask this: do we need it? The assumption in virtually every Christian circle is yes, but biblically I don't think that holds water. First, though, what is fellowship?

I don't really want to come up with a definition in the strict sense; I'd like to try a different way of defining it. But I will mention the Greek word most commonly translated as fellowship: koinonia. It appears 20 times in the NT, notably Acts 2:42, where the believers in Jerusalem have fellowship with one another and all things in common, and 1 John 1, where he speaks of our fellowship with Christ and with one another. Koinonia relates to participation and community, and I think those ideas are at the core of what it means.

Interestingly enough, those passages aren't the ones that tend to come up in the discussions I have with others about fellowship. For me the conversation about fellowship begins like this:

Person X: "Where do you go to church?"
Me: "We don't." (sometimes I give a longer response)
Person X: "Oh......then what do you do for fellowship?"
Me: "Well, we meet with some other believers in homes."
Person X: "Just as long as you aren't forsaking the gathering of the bretheren......"

The passage they often refer to is Hebrews 10:24-25:

"...let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." (NAS)

I appreciate the intent behind those questions. Its usually out of genuine concern for me and my family. But at the same time I'm not sure it comes from a full understanding of what fellowship is. Most folks stop reading in the first half of verse 25--"do not forsake assembling together." But the writer isn't just saying get together with other Christians; he elaborates: encourage one another....stimulate one another to love and good deeds. Its not getting together, its what happens when you do. There's 'one-anothering' that ought to go on when we come together.

But what happens in the majority of gatherings? One brother gets up in front and gives a lecture while everyone else sits and listens. Greetings are exchanged (sometimes only when dude up front tells you to.....), and everyone goes on their way. Don't get me wrong--lectures are fine. I've heard many great lectures. But that ain't fellowship. And yet, if I'd responded to the question by saying, "we go to da-ta-da-ta-da church," they probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. Of course, I know not every gathering is like that. This isn't at all about institution vs. non-institution. Gatherings in homes can be devoid of fellowship in the same way--I've been to some that are. It's very different than that.

Here's the thing: 'fellowship' is held over the heads of many Christians as something that we need. We're told we have to be in fellowship or we'll go off the deep end. And sometimes examples are cited of folks who left and now who knows what's happened to them. But do the scriptures say we need it? I would say no. In fact, there are numerous examples of folks who didn't have fellowship for long periods of time. Consider:

- Moses was in the desert for 40 years;
- John was exiled on Patmos, and he seemed to do just fine;
- John the Baptist lived alone in the wilderness for a long time;
- Paul spent more time alone in a prison cell than with other believers in the later years of his life.

These men didn't set out to be certain they had fellowship/community/another person who followed God with them in whatever they did. They followed Him, and that led them into times of great and deep fellowship, as well as times of being alone.

Another side of it is that fellowship may not happen in the way we would expect. Personally, I've been in a situation with less fellowship recently, and what we've had has looked very different than I thought it would. When we moved to Champaign we knew some believers that were already here, but a lot of the relationships never developed into a "meet together weekly or more frequently" sort of thing (for a variety of reasons....and not because we didn't want them to). The most significant fellowship I’ve had since moving here has been with Lisa. For some reason I feel that we are trained not to associate ‘fellowship’ with our family conversations, but in reality that’s a big part of why we got married. We have always had deep fellowship with one another; I’ve just grown to appreciate that more.

But apart from that I think Father had a two and a half year period of less fellowship in store for us when we came here. We talked about attending a Sunday gathering, and even went to a couple of meetings. We had folks over to our place in hopes of something starting. We met in another family's home for a while. We have enjoyed the time with believers that we've had here, and we'll probably keep in touch with some of the folks. But none of it really became what I expected: a group of Christians we can share life with in a deeper way. A lot of it seemed like us trying to make something happen that the Lord didn't want.

Then, I walk off of the plane in San Antonio for my audition in January, and within 12 hours I've had deep, significant fellowship in Christ with a group of 20ish Christians I'd never met. I had a sense immediately that these were believers that we could live life with. It was to the point where I didn't really care about getting the job; I wanted to move and hang out with these people. It has been so easy since He has orchestrated it, and it was like banging my head against the wall when we tried to do it ourselves. As I've reflected on our time in Illinois, I think Father wanted us to have less fellowship. There were things that needed to be worked out in me, and chances are that wouldn't have happened if things had been different.

Would we have rather had more fellowship while we were here? Absolutely! Did we die spiritually because we didn't have it? Quite the opposite. Did we violate the scripture from Hebrews 10? I don't think so. All it says is "don't forsake." If there are believers God wants you to meet with, meet with them. Don't blow that off. Taking the verse beyond that is an exaggeration. I don't think it means you have to meet with whatever group of Christians is in your town. Even if you find a group, fellowship is deeper than just getting together with other Christians. He needs to lead us. And if there isn't anyone around that He wants you to meet with, He will sustain you, just like He sustained Paul and John. And they didn't just get by--they flourished.

So about fellowship I would say this: its deeper and different than just meeting together, it isn't a requirement, you won't go off the deep end if you don't have it, and God Himself will lead you into it.